They both die at the end by Adam Silvera


Life changing. I started reading this book three weeks ago but then I took a break because it was too much and I had a lot do for school and I really wanted to take it in. It was raw and real and it shows a truth nobody wants to accept: death. I will admit that death and the sudden appearance and disappearance of each and everyone of us is a sensible subject for me. Every time I had opened the subject with a close friend they never understood what I was making such a fuss about, as if dying is a trivial thing like flowers sprout in the spring. That is the very reason why I had to buy it, so I could accept my death as if it is normal and trite. They Both Die at the End (9780062457790): Silvera, Adam: Books

Everything happens in an alternate reality on 5th September 2017. In this reality there is an organisation named “Death Cast” which calls and tells the people that die that day, that in the next 24 hours they will probably die, sometimes from unknown reasons at the moment they are called. In this moment every reader’s mind probably goes “Okay so why couldn’t you hide in your room or in an underground bunker with food and supplies?” It was impossible, Death Cast had never made a mistake about someone’s death. It was like your due date, your expiration date (sorry). For example the president tried hiding from death in a bunker. He was murdered by one of his soldiers who pointed a gun at his head and pulled the trigger. That is how Mateo and Rufus, two teenagers befriend each other on their Last Day through the app “Last Friend” and live their last day together trying to make memories and live their last day without regrets.

Characters and Opinions

I love how I can find myself in each and every one (besides Peck, I would very much enjoy punching the hell out of him). Mateo struggling to get out of his apartment and his paranoia keeping him form living his life to the full, but Rufus comes along with his witty but relaxed and can I say breezy? way of being, giving Mateo the reality check he needed. When he didn’t want to get out of the block, Rufus pushing him and reminding him that life is passing by.

I also like how they complete and understand each other even if they are complete opposites. Rufus regretting living without his family and Mateo regretting not living at all. That is why they where like yin and yang. Mateo was a scared boy, too scared to be himself or try something new, but he was kind and generous always thinking about others first. Rufus on the other hand, had many experiences but after his family dying he had to live with the guilt of being happy without them, accepting that he was not guilty for their death. They both helped the other give the freedom they longed for, the freedom they deserved.

They Both Die At The End" iPad Case & Skin by allarica | Redbubble

The best thing is the unexpected romance, at least for me. I didn’t know there were going to be romantic feelings involved but they are perfect for each other. They were soulmates, right moment right person. Before you jump at me with what do I mean right moment, they are dying? If it hadn’t been their Last Day they would have never approached each other or Rufus having Aimee in his heart would have kept him from developing feelings. Because Rufus had to accept the fact that he was about to die made him get closure with Aimee at his funeral. They were soulmates because they both made each other become a better person, because they found each other in the end.

The most fascinating thing is how I started rooting for them, even if the book had the title “They both die at the end” like a very big DANGER! sign, but I couldn’t resist but hope they both survive and live happily ever after with their friends and families. I couldn’t accept it.

Before every important chapter, there is an inspiring quote about death, but also life. Because life is death’s soulmate and there isn’t one without the other. My favorite one has to be “ A ship in harbour is safe, but that is not what ships are built for” – John A. Shedd. I think this aims for Mateo, too afraid to live because he was too afraid to die. I guess it applies to me too. And every reader out there.

I cried three times while reading totally different parts. This is not a bad thing, I mean I had it coming “They both die at the end” and on the back of the book it is written “Heartbreaking”, “You will cry, think and then cry some more”. I am also an easy crier (that’s how I call myself so take what you want from this). That means I start crying at movies when there isn’t something to cry about, it is just so beautiful and I am full of feelings that have to go somewhere, so I start crying. I first started crying from the first 15 pages while reading Mateo’s point of view. Then I took a big break like a week or so. But I am glad I came back to it. At the end I was really keeping myself from crying but when I realized they were the death of each other I had lost it completely. Both dying with each other on their mind, hoping to find each other in another life. (just started crying again while writing this)

The impact it had on me

It is extraordinarily inspiring and eye-opening. I feel like we are raised to believe we deserve every day and as if every day is promised or we all die when we are old and accomplished, but this rarely happens. It gave me a reality check, to appreciate every day, every minute and every second because this may all I get, maybe I don’t get a do-over. I can die at any moment, in the luxury of my house, because of an earthquake or I slip when I climb the stairs. Maybe when I put my half broken charger in the plug. Or what if I slip in the shower. Too many variables.

My birth didn’t bring any win to the universe. My death will not reduce it’s reality or beauty. No one could ever explain to me, why I had come and why will I leave.”

by Romanian writer Mihail Drumes

So why am I wasting everyday of my life imagining what my life would be like if… when I have the occasion to try, and fail but then try again. It inspired me to be myself and accept myself, does it really matter that your left eye is slightly higher from your right making it asymmetrical? No. In the long run people love you for who you are, and you are the best version of yourself when you are yourself with no bullshit.

It also inspired me for my Instagram account. I had always envied people that didn’t give a shit about others opinion, about likes or if Madeline from dance class noticed my new haircut. I want to post whatever the hell I want, moments most importantly. I want to capture people, friends, animals in a genuine moments, where you can read their emotions from a simple photo. I am sick of selfies in front of a wall just showing how pretty we are. The right people will notice, I notice that I am pretty. No one else matters.

This book gives all kinds of lessons, and I think I fell in love with it, with the pain and heart ache it put me through but also with the raw way life is portrayed.


Cilka’s Journey

By Heather Morris

Welcome back!

I hope you enjoy my post and that you find yourself in my words.


This monthly review is about a girl, Cilka Klein whom was an Auschwitz-Birkenau survivor.

The story tells her journey post concentration camp, when she was transferred to a gulag in Siberia, in the North of Russia.

She was taken there by the Russians after being saved from the SS troupes.

Cilka Klein tried to survive by any means, even if it meant being raped by the enemy and then enduring other 15 years of imprisonment in the Gulag being raped again.

She was taken as a prisoner because she was accused of working for the enemy and being a spy.

She accepted everything that happened to her just trying to survive.

In this story we see how she had to bear the cold winters, the hard labor in camp, how she still helped everyone with no drop of selfishness, how she fought and struggled, how she managed to get a better job as a nurse, how she shared her meals, how she managed to trust people again and how she fell in love.

What I find most interesting about this book, and these types of books in general is how these stories could be real, even if they are completely made up.

The Holocaust still happened, all of these tragedies and disgusting things happened so these stories could 100% be true.

But this story is actually based off of true events.

Heather Morris first wrote The Tattooist of Auschwitz after interviewing Lale (The Tattooist) and wrote down his story.

She remained impressed after he mentioned the 16 year old girl who survived Holocaust and the Gulag.

“The strongest person he had ever met” were the words Lale described Cilka with.

So a story about her was very much needed.

And it is truly an inspiring story.

Photo by Pixabay on

Cilka Klein

Cilka was a very selfless person.

At first she couldn’t accept the offer for a better job in a hospital, instead of carrying coal from the mine.

Why should she have a better job in warm conditions while her colleagues struggled every day?

Cilka didn’t want them to envy her, to hate her for her luck.

She thought everybody had equal rights and she wouldn’t have accepted because of the jealousy and hate she might get from others.

She fortunately accepted and would keep portions of her food to share with the others after working hours, knowing thew were struggling everyday carrying coal from the mine.

Another characteristic of her’s was how she could never see how many good things she had done.

As time passed she had helped lots of people as a nurse and as a friends and saved lives and yet she felt pressured by the wrongs she had done.

Cilka felt responsible for the death of her colleague and the deaths of the people who didn’t survive Auschwitz.

She considered that every life matters and took time for every patient. When other uninterested and unbothered doctors declared patients that they had no chance to live, she still investigated if there could be a small chance for them and tried saving them.

But her love for people got her in trouble.

Cilka often drew attention to her, because of it and some didn’t like how she was so admired because after all, she was a prisoner.

Cecilia Kovachova

She could never understand why everyone called her “brave”: Lale, Hannah, every friend from Shack 29.

She was.

She looked people right in the eyes showing how she doesn’t fear them, not even a bit.

Once, Cilka took the blame when there was found contraband in the shack, even if it wasn’t her’s. And she was sent to “The hole”.

The hole was a terrible place with no light, no food, no water, no one around to hear your screams and it was placed in such a position you could never sit comfortably.

It was made to be the perfect torture room.

The people that went there were scarred forever. They couldn’t talk for weeks and some couldn’t get out of bed days in a row. Knowing that Cilka couldn’t let her friend go into the Hole, so she took the blame, enduring her torture.

Things I will never forget from the book

Some things that shocked me along the book were the savagery and cruelty of the people there. How such things change you and make you do things you never imagined you would do to survive.

The first things that moved me was how the women were all told to undress and were sprayed with water hoses by male officers who mocked them about how they stood, how their bodies looked.

They pointed the hose towards the weaker or older ones, so that the pressure knocked them off. They laughed not helping them get up or to check if they were hurt badly.

Then their clothes were left behind, never to be seen again, to go into the next room.

There, they had to raise their knee up to be shaved in the pubian area with brutality and ignorance by another male officer.

Cilka had the courage to look him in the eyes, trying to show she isn’t scared.

As a punishment she was left with blood running down her leg from the rough officer.

After all of that torture they had to walk and parade in front of privileged male prisoners, that chose their victim and were classified as their property for their time there and for them to rape whenever they wanted.

Love again

I love how she used a love interest to give us hope about the future. Cilka starts falling for Alexandr without ever speaking to him and besides all of the horrible things around, we could focus and place our hope that she could be happy, with him in the end.

She also made it a slow burn, we could see the attraction between the two and somehow nothing happened, none of them dared to make a move.

It was truly frustrating and as I was reading I was hoping Alexandr will notice her or that she will talk to him.

I think this is why love exists.

It makes people want to survive and continue.

I am talking about all kinds of love, the love for a friend, for your mother, for a dog, for dancing or of being alive.

It is what makes people wake up every day and have hope in a cruel world.


What I love about life stories so much is how inspiring they are.

How we could find ourselves in situations and relate.

How a part of us gets attached to the characters and I feel as if I am there with them, almost as a guardian angel or a ghost watching from above.

I love how I absorb every word and feel their every pain, every tear.

I love how a part of her soul will forever be with me, how I will continue my journey and she will still be there impacting and influencing me.

But I hate endings.

I hate them so much that I used to read the last page to make sure everything will be fine, that the main character is going to have the happy ending they deserve.

I hate the bittersweet taste of it, because I am happy that they will be alright, but it is the sorrow because I have to say goodbye.

I hate how I can’t go on and continue the journey with them.

How they say “They lived happily ever after” and I won’t be able to be part of that. To feel their happiness and be there for them as I was in their worst times.

As if my stop has come, and I have to get off while they continue the ride without me.

I believe this is the worst feeling in the world.

The goodbye.

While reading the last pages my heart was filled with hope, fear, uncertainty and sadness. I read so fast I may have accidentally skipped a few rows, just wanting to be sure everything is going to end alright.

That Cilka has her happy ending.

Until the next reading



The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller

Rating: 4.5 out of 5.


  1. Intro
  2. Summary
  3. General Opinion
  4. Comparison
  5. Love ❤
  6. Fun fact 🙂
  7. Impact

1. Intro

I’m crazy for Greek mythology. And like any fan it all started with the Percy Jackson series by Rick Riordan. I read them when I was in 7th grade and I was absolutely amazed, then I watched the movies and I was absolutely horrified. Never again.

Hopefully, there is going to be a series about Percy Jackson on Disney+, made by the one and only Rick Riordan.

But I’m not getting my hopes up, because I don’t want to be disappointed when it comes out.

Anyways, lately I had started hearing about this book “The Song of Achilles” and how good it is. The book was on tik tok, on instagram, on youtube even on the dark academia hashtag for books. There were people who said they were heartbroken and still cried A MONTH after they had read it.

Obviously, I had to buy it and see for myself what the fuss was about.


The story is from Patroclus’ point of view, whom was Achilles’ companion. Patroclus was a prince, son of King Menolaus, a disgrace in his father’s eyes. At ten he was exiled to Phthia, where King Peleus ruled and had the perfect son, Achilles. Achilles was the son of a malicious sea-nymph Thetis. Thetis was tricked into marrying Peleus and giving him a child. As time passed the boys befriended each other and their bond grew stronger over years only for it to turn into something else, something deeper. But as myth goes, Achilles must go and complete the prophecy and gain the honour of his name in the age of the long and weary Trojan war with Patroclus as his companion.

3. General Opinion

So at first the book didn’t intrigue me, it wasn’t really a page turner, I was struggling to concentrate and I could’ve read it in 2 weeks max but it took me a month. But it wasn’t because it wasn’t good. I think it was because there were many words I didn’t have knowledge of and I had to search for at least 2 words/page.

That obviously made me lose my concentration but it also made it harder to follow and harder for me to get caught in the story.

That is only because english is not my first language, so don’t get discouraged if you have good english skills, you will definitely love it.

Another unfortunate thing is that I had already known how it was going to end because the legend of Achilles is one of the best known, but if you are in my situation I guarantee you, you are not spared of the heart ache nor of the tears.

Photo by Alex Azabache on

Many historians or how you wanna call ’em, argue if Patroclus was his friend or his lover. After reading this book I ship them so hard that I would smack someone so hard if they said “Patroclus couldn’t have been his lover”. That is because in the Iliad it isn’t even mentioned the fact that they could have been together, but it also doesn’t mention they couldn’t have.

I guess it is up to you what you decide to believe.

The story is told form Patroclus’ eyes which is much better in my opinon.

We have the chance to see Achilles as a lover and friend in all kinds of stages or situations which gives him a stronger and more complex character.

He isn’t just the hero or the best fighter of his generation, as we often see him portrayed.

He is an honest and loyal soul mate to Patroclus. A perfect and worthy son. And a threat to the enemies.


It has many similarities with They Both Die At The End, by Adam Silvera.

(if you didn’t read my opinion about that book you should really check it out and let me persuade you into reading it)

So ignoring the fact that both books made me cry hard and broke my heart in so many pieces, the characters are quite similar.

Patroclus and Mateo are both awkward but sweet and selfless, you could say they are almost perfect.

As if even their biggest mistake could be overlooked.

As for Achilles and Rufus they are confident and proud, but would kill for the other one in a second and not take a moment to ponder about it.

5. LOVE or God Eros

In Greek mythology it was said that humans were originally made out of two parts. Man and woman, man and man or woman and woman. They were much more powerful together, as a hole, and they tried taking over Mount Olympus.

The myth says that Zeus punished them and cut them in half so they had to spend their hole life roaming the Earth to find their other half.

And Achilles and Patroclus did find each other. They were a half of a hole and matched the other perfectly almost like a piece of puzzle.

“Had she really thought I would not know him? I could recognize him by touch alone, by smell, I would know him blind by the way his breaths came and his feet struck the earth. I would know him in death, at the end of the world”


My heart aches every time I read this. Mainly because I think of the love they had shared. Their love was so deep they could understand each other from one look in the other’s eyes.

Their love was so pure they couldn’t hide anything from each other. Not even their darkest bits.

Nobody could keep them apart, neither gods or godesses as Thetis, Achilles’ mother. She had always looked down on Patroclus.

She would have watched him die in front of her and despite her awful opinions about him, Achilles never let go of him.

That says a lot knowing he also cared for his mother’s opinions and choices almost as deep for Patroclus’. He always took her advice and would tell her every detail, but when she despised his companion he could almost hate her.

One thing I admired was the subtle and still vulgar way the author described the steamy parts between the couple. She wrote them in manner that it still satisfied the reader but it also left some scenes for the imagination.

These parts came exactly when we needed them, when it felt like everything was too good to be true or when we needed a break from all the drama in Achilles’ life.

1000+ images about The Song of Achilles on Pinterest ...

6.Fun fact 🙂

It took Madeline Miller 10 years to write this book and it was her debut.

But it payed off, people say it may be the best greek mythology book ever written, and I agree.


After reading it, I can’t get out of my head the fact that they could love each other so much they would die if the other one did.

That is a big thing since Patroclus was !17! when he decided he would never continue living without him. Their bond was so strong there couldn’t be one without the other.

Photo by Pixabay on

I wish I can experience something like this one day. At least a bit like their love. I wish someone could love me so deeply, that we suffer together and loved together and be happy together. Have our own paradise on Earth as if we are the only living people left because we can’t see nobody but each other.

I wish there was someone that knew every detail about me and I knew every detail about them. We would listen to even our smallest problems and craziest dreams.

We would surprise ourselves with the depth of our emotions that we can never consume.

I wish there was someone who was my shoulder to cry on but also who would slap the sense out of me when needed. Someone who would make me smile but someone who would make me cry rembering we are mortals.

Someone who would impress me with their witty and intelligent nature, but also someone who would be clumsy and funny naturally.

I wish I will find someone who will make me feel like this. Someone I would watch enthralled.

The problem might be the society we live in. Where boys are called “Simps” for having too many feelings. Or as if I should be swept of my feet when a boy replies to my insta story with a fire or a kissy face emoticon. Or when he replies to my text with a K.

The impact of the book was also related to the song “Achilles come down” by Gang of Youths. I had heard the song before but it never had the impact it had on me after reading the book.

It didn’t have the impact because I didn’t yet understand the meaning of the lyrics, so if you hadn’t read the book yet, please while you read the last 20 pages, PLEASE listen to the song on repeat. I think it will have such a great impact.

Yeah you may not get out of bed the hole day because of heartbreak, but the feels you will get are unmatched and unique.

I love it so freaking much because it makes it look like the song is from Patroclus’ point of view.

Let me list the lyrics that make my heart ache:

“Rember the pact of our youth

Where you go i’m going, so jump and i’m jumping

Since there is no me without you”


“How the most dangerous thing is to love”

I will pass away now.